don’t EVER eat kfc again. I’m not kidding. it’s fucking evil stuff.

Saturday 13; March, 1999

“Do you have a girlfriend? You’re looking real cool”

(xoxo Jo – even if you never answer your phone)
As I had been instructed to, I rang Jo in the morning when I got up. Well, very early afternoon, even. But then her momma rang through, so she asked me to call her back. Instead I rang Andee & Amy, and talked to Ren too, since she was there. While I was yacking away to them, Kate came over, which was choice. She ate banananas on toast with jam, cos she’s a freak. Then her and Simon sat on me. Then her and me had a big tickling fight, but I think she won it, cos first she headbutted me, then she kicked me in the face. Fucking violent bitch!

So that put us all in the mood for a bit of fun. We wanted to go to Rainbow’s End, but Kate had to go to work. So Simon and I went to Hamilton instead.

Someone got a $400 fine for speeding. However, coming back the next day, those same people also saw two very smashed up cars. It was kinda sobering.

Andee was very suprised and happy to see us. She said that they’d actually been thinking about coming up to see US, only her friend Kelly was coming up from Palmy. So yeah. And Amy even came home to see us. And Ren came over, so it was all good. Their house is really really choice, except the roof totally slopes down going to their toilet and I hit my head.

We went and got KFC for dinner, because it was close, even though I don’t like it and I KNEW it was a bad idea. Then we ended up going to Pak’n Slave AND Maccers for Sisi. Grrrrr. AND my kfc burger and chips got cold waiting in the supermarket car park for them all to stock up on icky bubbly. Life’s so not fair, is it?

Anyways, eventually the girl Kelly and her flatmate Kelsie showed up. I didn’t like Kelly very much (although later she said I looked umm either slinky or saucy or maybe both) and her flatmate was SO Single White Femaling Kelly it wasn’t funny man. Actually, it was, and I chuckled lots. She’d be the perfect lurking girlfriend for Leyton.

So yeah. We sat around drinking, and I rang Jo lots on my mobile but the geek never answered so I left her hidieous messages instead. I did the same to Clare too. But then I finished my bottle of red, cos I’d given lots of it to Sisi, and there was nothing else (malibu, white, and bubbly) that I could drink that wouldn’t make me feel ill, until Amy decided we should do shots of her cheap imitation Baileys stuff. So that was good, but I still wasn’t very drunk at all. Not that I have to be drunk to have a good time, but everyone else was drinking, so it was a bit sad that I couldn’t.

But we got frocked up, and went into town. I was glad to know that the Outback let me in without even asking for ID. So yeah, I got the lovely blue stamp on my arm, but then they wouldn’t let Sisi in. I guess that’s not aaaaaaaaalll that suprising, given that he does look like a young’un, and his only ‘ID’ was a Bank Nightclub Preferential Customer Card that says “Mike Baradell” on it. We saw Nikki, Shirley’s friend and flatmate there, but she was so drunk she hardly recognized me. Just how drunk was she? She’d been escourted out of the outtie, it was that bad. We stood around nattering for a while, but the fact remained that Sisi couldn’t get into the outtie. So we went to The Bank instead, and they let him in – just made him tuck in his shirt. That made us all giggle a lot.

Fuck it was crowded in there, all oldish people, too close, too pressed up, and people kept cutting through our little dancing circle. No manners, I tell you. The music was really crap too – like worse than the Outtie, cos I didn’t even know it. I have to admit, I kinda like the outtie in reaaaally small amounts, just for the novelty cheese value. It’d be nicer if the clientale was removed though. So yeah, we were in the Bank for a while, dancing without any room. But I was so fully sober, and the music wasn’t very kicking, so it was without any sadness that we left. Then Kelly wanted to see like all the pubs, so ewwwwww we went to the Fats. Once again, I got stamped in, before realising that eeeeeeveryone else had gone and left me behind, because Sisi couldn’t get in.

So me, Amy, Ren and Sisi went home, while Kelly, Andee and Kelsie stayed on. Amy made us toasted cheese sandwichs, which were nice, but probably a reaaaally bad idea. Then the other girls turned up, and there were massive fights over beds. Amy had invited me to sleep with her in her double, but I decided that I’d be happier on a foam mattress on the floor, cos she’d been giving me the glad eye all night. Actually, that’s just me telling stories, but yeah, I sleep better when I’m not sharing. Besides, everyone else wanted bed space, wheras I can sleep on anything so I was being nice. Fuck they argued for ages though, because Ren and Si had jumped into Andee’s bed before she got home, and Kelly had already laid a claim to a space in it, so she dragged Ren out, but Ren went back in and oh god it just went on for ages and ages. Then once Ren and Andee and Si settled in Andee’s bed, and the other three were in Amy’s (I would have felt snobbed, sleeping alone in the lounge, only no) they talked and giggled for fucking ages.

This is where it gets like really disgusting, and gross – so if you stop reading now, you’re not missing out on any gossip, just graphic details of food poisoning. Otherwise, read on at your fault.

Meanwhile, that KFC burger decided to come and have its revenge on me. I got the killer stomach pains, which I tried to get rid of by getting warmer with the spare duvet, but that didn’t work. I got up, and felt sooo ill, but I just threw up a mouthfull, and staggered back to bed. Let me just reiterate that I was completly sober by then, and it wasn’t alcohol related. An hour later I woke up, and rushed back to the toilet, where I stayed for like an hour, it was so heinous. I was so tired, and felt so sick, and so ill and so icccck and my leg went to sleep, and I was fully dying of thirst, but was obviously unable to go and get any water. Once I finally felt like I’d finished, no more fucking hideous gurglings and sulpherous feelings, I staggered out in the kitchen, not able to walk properly cos my leg was so dead, and my vision started fading in and out. Another huge big bout of nausea swept over me, and I had to bend over the kitchen sink, retching up loverly pink chucks for ages. So I cleaned that up, and I could hardly sip water afterwards. Back into the lounge, plonked myself down on the mattress, and pulled my sleeping bag AND the spare duvet over myself, trying to curl up fetus style, hands on my ill tummy. I was sooooooo cold, although the weather was really hot.

And when I woke up in the morning, i was fine, just really thirsty.

Fascinating story, huh?

xoxosoxox

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