Saturday, June 19, 1999
email ` gbook ` i-seek-you ` handwriting
I feel kinda weird right now.
Yes, obviously, since I’m writing a second entry for the day. I guess it’s partly to do with my dream that I wrote up in depth, and remembering it in more detail made me feel bad.
I guess the other thing would be that – oh yeah – I broke up with Thomas the other night. Well, it’s funny that I call it “breaking up” because we haven’t really been together in over a month – I mean I’ve seen him a handful of times and felt stink at all of those meetings. So yes, I wrote him an email saying I couldn’t handle it anymore and it was time to stop it. He never responded to it – the only way that I knew he’d received it because I took time out of the chit chat we were making to ask him.
I can’t decide whether it’d be easier to break off all contact with him or not. I don’t want to lose him, but I guess I already have. And friendship’s so painful when I want more.
Then the next night, he was tripping and I was being flirtatious. He said to me “don’t flirt – you dumped me”, and I was thinking “what, you noticed?”. But we continued to flirt, acid making him horny, he claimed, and I was enjoying that. He said he liked me too much to have meaningless sex with me. He liked me too much to have meaningful sex with me when we were going out.