and you think I’m angsty NOW?

(some things are just so icky now.)
Wednesday, August 28th, 1996

I had a really depressing day today. The morning just went on & on. Then at interval, Sarah and Penny just wouldn’t stop bitching at me. Nothing I could say was right, and everything they said pissed me off. They’re not going to come to ‘Masque’. They can’t be bothered. I can’t believe them. Do they not know how much it means to me? Sarah and Abby (!) are having a combined B-day party on Labour Day. She said St Pats people were coming. Oh god… I’m so scared. Dylan will make cracks at me about Ben. Ben will get with one of my friends. I’ll humiliate myself. Why God? I can’t talk to Dylan if I see him again. Unless he seeks me out. Why do I always set myself up for a fall? Even this Sam Bedford thing – one moment and then…. I don’t know…… !

I bitched to Sam Loong about life in the evening. I always bitch to her. I shouldn’t.

At lunchtime there was a Pussy Willow and Letterbox lambs concert. It sounded really cool, but there weren’t very many people there. The 4th formers moshed. We all ran away from English, but had to go back. We played Dictionary instead, & in Economics. In History, we did the ‘J Show” legitmatley. I sent Active a “thank you” fax. I always talk to Kate B in the mornings! I’m glad I can tell her about Dylan. I think I’d explode otherwise. M & N think I’m going out with Tamati!
Thursday August 28th, 1997.

I took Mum & Neil into town cos she was at the Potters Shop. So I got up to school after the massive hailstorm shower. That’s always good. It was raining so I parked in the upper quad. Then the sun came out and everything was beautiful. Last night I’d called Sarah and she was like a total stranger – I didn’t know what to say to her. So when Penny and I went to town at lunchtime, we decided to go see her. We stopped off on the way at Houghton Bay, got out and watched the surf crashing onto the beach. I felt so much like jumping in – it was so cool. I almost had a head-on collision in Island Bay, and it was my fault too, which REALLY sucked! Sarah was really happy to see us, once we’d found her. She talked nonstop for half an hour! Dylan’s going to Nelson for three months to work on the docks!

In the evening I was dropped off at Axolotl, where I was supposed to meet Sam Belt, so I could go see ‘Bound’ with him. But lo! he had a chick with him – fucker! Her name was Alice, 6th form at Girls. She used to go out with Alistair! Turns out that the last Eastbourne bus was at 10.30pm, so we couldn’t see the movie. Instead we sat around in Axolotl for an hour, and shared a piece of cake. Then we went to “Open Mike Night” at Cubiz Cafe. On the way down, Alice was like “I’m not barging in on anything, am I?” I was like “no, not at all” I only wish! They taught me how to play Backgammon, which was cool. I had to wait in Deluxe all alone for my ride home though.

(you’ve got to admit, compared to this shite, my journal nowadays is a disney movie – although there’s more complexity lurking under the surface. Oh yeah and hang on – Disney movies are very excrutiatingly painfull. Hmm, wrong analogy. But my point is still made, i do believe)

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