April 5, 2000

Wednesday April 5th, 2000

You know those ads with the little kid throwing a tantrum, who then addresses the camera saying that there’s no point in going on without an audience? Well, I disagree. No one was home yesterday, and I managed to scream and sob for two hours straight. It’s quite exciting – I didn’t realise that I could get that upset when sober. I did also manage to prove my theory that I throw up when I’m really really angry – not because I’m drunk. So that was a good scientific discovery.

I managed to calm down a little later, and start breathing properly again, which is always kinda useful. Later, I had a good long talk with a very sympathetic ear, and I allowed myself to realise that I was being a little hypocritical. Alright, considering the person I was talking to, a LOT hypocritical.

I think that I mostly have different motivations for my actions – generally the pursuit of affection – but I don’t know for sure. So I don’t know what to say. I thought I was much better after the long talk, and I was, but I just lay awake all night tossing and turning. I don’t think things will change much, though. It’s like the song; “I can’t stop when it comes to you”.

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