The last time that I had sex with you

Saturday, May 6th, 2000

Ten minutes ago I was having sex, now I am in my room alone crying. Go figure. This was not my choice.

Is this because I don’t enjoy shitting blood? I’m not entirely sure, but I don’t want to be as shallow as to say that’s the reason.

I feel so fucking dumb and stupid. I kissed another guy tonight. By another, I mean not my lover, the boy I am used to. Another as in a totally different guy. I won’t name him here, but he’ll probably read this, so, Hi. Sorry. I don’t know what happened. I really don’t. One minute we were talking, and the next, it was all soft and warm and nice, and so i told him that, but luckily he said it was probably a bad idea, and I said no, come away with me, and he said it was a probably a bad idea, and yeah, he was right. And then he kissed me again and went away. I giggled for ages, it kind of amused me.

That was at Jeremy’s 21st. I told my lover and he said I was just cute, but I felt bad about it. And then we came home and I guess I got carried away. And then thrown away.

Fuck I feel like such a dumb bitch, such a cheap hoe. I am tacky, nasty, cheap. All those nasty horrible adjectives. This sucks. I don’t deserve to feel like this. What did I do wrong?

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