Saturdday October 21st, 2000

So there’s vodka in between the “yes you look beautiful” and “go heavy on the lips and let the eyes speak for themselves”. It’s the vodka kini gave me, and more than anything i just want to move to the coramandel with her and think about nothing else in the world, but I can’t. Penny never answeers her phone, so I go out with Kate Benton. Vodka and a bottle shop, and I’m drinking imitation baileys at John Abbott’s house.

He’s out at first so Kate and I sit outside at first, her smoking and me reclining on the lounger. And then Mike’s there so we’re talking cartoons and Gummi Bears and I’m singing theme tunes. Then we’re talking lego, and I’m promising to only let my kids play with my basic bricks instead of that new commercial shit.

I just put ice cream away, sorry. It’s hard sometimes when yuio are drunk and thinking “it’s okay, I’m going to throw up anyways” to stop piggign out but yeah, ice cream back in freezer. Damn cherry ripe. Fuck my hand hurts, despite the ice that daniel/onyougo gave me.

So more people showed up at Abbotts, and I had to put aside the cosmo I was reading. I think we played Sexual Conotations but that was too ahrd to play along with so it switched to I Have Never and my god what a tramp I have become. I was drinking imitation baileys, did I mention that already? Eventually i had finished it all, and argued with Mike sodme more about limp bizkit, and a taxi van got called. I remember sitting in the back row, drinking abott’s vodka and calling him a cunt cos he was arguing with the taxi driver

and then we were somewhere in mount eden/ three kings and there were candles and it was supp[osed to be a fur party. O ut on the patio, someone gave me a cosmopolitan, and then some otyher cranberry drink that was in a staff room muig. And so that’s alcohol, which is fun, and I’m talkijng to mike for aages and ages about Europe. TGhen there’s running off to the abthroom, and a girl in a fur bikini sitting on a stool that I’m sure is straihgjt from a science lab. I throw up for a bit, because that’s what’s expected of me , isn’t it, and there’s pretty candles all over the bathroom. A nd cool paintings too. I talk to some boy in the toilet que too.

Eventually I’m done, so I run away from the deck down the stairs and I’m on the spa pool level I think, so I lay down and look up at the stars and clouds and stuff and chill out. Oh yeah, Kate B and I had been ahving big cries on the porch and I don’t feel like I can lump it all on her, even though I love her, or maybe because I love her, and I’m not very healthy, if you;’d somehow managed to not pick up on that fact. But it feels nice to lay out on the lower deck, so eventually I go back to the upper deck. I stop to relight a flare on the way up thou7gh, and somehow, I manage to seriously burn my hand. It really really hurts, and there’s black smut stuck to my hand, which feels much better when Daniel gives me some ice to clutch. Some girl says “come nad have a dance” but I’m clutching the ice so I don’t. Ice runs out eventually so i’m dancing, then we’re all outside, and I’m in a taxi, but it’s not a taxi van, so there’s not enough room for everyone so I get out, and the driver tells us to call a van ourselves, so Abbott’s yelling abuse, and Mike’s up a tree, and it’s all a bit much, but I get in a cab with Daniel and Le-at. Turns out Daniel isn’t even his name, it’s geddon, or something like that, damn Mike, never should believe a word he says.

So we’re in three kings, which means soon w e’re on Campbell Road, and I get the driver to drop me off on Ferguson Ave and walk the rest of the way home. AThis way doesn’t scare me at all, its’ on the other side of the street in the park that I have waking nightmares about, but not for the reasons that you might immediately think of.

Must stop listening to Blur’s “No Distance left to run”

“now i’m on zoloft because you told me I was crazy”

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