Thursday the 11th of July, two thousand and two

So, chances are, I have let down someone a huge big lot. I have gone back on my word and failed to deliver something that I promised to deliver, although I had a month to deliver it in. So I’m sitting here drinking a dry martini with a twist and wondering if this makes me an evil person. Chances are, this may be the first time you’ve heard me talking about this particular writing task, which should give you some indication of how willign I was to do it if I wouldn’t even talk about it in my journal. I’ve had a growing sense of unease about my unwillingness to do this, and finally I realised that there was no way in hell that I would be willing to put my name to such a substandard piece of work, and so I had to resign – the day before it was due. Yeah, I should have done it earlier, so that it wouldn’t have been one of the things making my time in Welly so crap, knowing that I should have been writing that story. Arrrgh. I hate disappointing people; I know how shitty I get when someone lets me down.

So can we change the subject? I had my induction course this morning, or the first half of it anyways. In our break i talked to a vaguely cute guy with an English accent, but then I realised that the conductor had pointed out that we were all Level 5 or below payscale (ie under 51k) so what would the point be in hooking up with him? I think I must break out my gold digger styles and find someone to keep me in the style I’ve become accustomed to. Of course, before you start imagine me to be too stylish and cool, I must point out that I am wearing Sellotape ® fingerless gloves that Karen gave me, and since they’re fingerless, they make me feel like a bonafide Ruffian. Unity were given them, apparently, for buying so much product, so of course they were given to me. Several staff members growled Bear-Like at me last time I went in. Apparently I’m famous. Ooooh just while I remember – Nushka – congratulations! And also, you should consider the name Berrin. Or Joanna. Thank you.

Since my induction course was in a building on the corner’o my street (my organisation employs 5000 people, apparently, and is spread all over Auckland, and if you still can’t guess who I work for, obviously you’re a crap stalker), i went home for a half hour nap at lunchtime, then went in to my regular office afterwards. The day trickled by fairly slowly after I dealt with the 64 emails that had accumulated in my box whilst I’d been away (and meanwhile my REAL email account stays pretty much empty.

In the evening, Justin came over for cups of lemongrass and ginger tea, and catch up chats <!– he said stuff about the boy, like how he was cool if you kept him at a distance, and he was so right, and as I was explaining to him why I didn’t like the boy anymore, I finally realised that i totally made the right decision, so that felt weird, but good.  Also, as a side point,it really fucked me off that Clay was there trying to talk as well, cos lord knows it’s hard enough to get a word in edgeways with Justin as it is.–>. He brought me back a Jakarta Post from Bali, which is cool cos I dig overseas media. Plus apparently someone (KATEH!) told him that his other friend, is the fourth in a series of boys with the same names, so he was talking about him as *IV too, which was really amusing, cos people shouldn’t use nicknames that you have for other people, if you know what I mean. It’s like my dad calling KateH “Popular Kate”, and Mum talking about “Fatty”. Okay, well so maybe it’s cool.

Three days or so til I bleed, which is good cos then I will hopefully stop being so unseasonably grumpy and meatcraving. Also, if you notice that my personality seems to change over the coming months, please do let me know – I am a little worried about being on the pill again, cos I don’t want that femulen psychosis back. However, I have yet to lose my sex drive, so it could be that I have nothing to worry about.

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